There was never a choice
by cardiothoracicwhore
Summary: Owen contemplates his relationship with Cristina after his conversation with Teddy in the trauma room. A oneshot based on Teddy's "I have loved you speech". Takes place right after 6.10


Owen softly kissed Cristina's head before disentangling himself from her embrace. Her words, "Are you sure?" repeated over and over in his mind, like a broken record. "I'll see you tonight," he promised her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. With one last look, he silently walked past her and into the hospital. He shrugged and blushed slightly as Bailey threw him a look, it was obvious she'd just witnessed the make-out session in the ambulance bay.

Entering an on-call room, he kicked his shoes off at the foot of the bed. Ever since Teddy had admitted to being in love with him, he'd had trouble sleeping. His constant exhaustion reminded him vaguely of those torturous nights he'd spent plagued with PTSD, and that worried him. He thought about making an appointment with Dr. Wyatt, just to put out any problem before it escalates, yet he was hesitant. To Cristina, therapy meant something was wrong and he hated to worry her. Also therapy broached the topic of Teddy, one that wasn't a very popular between either of them.

Lying on top of the on-call bed, Owen's thoughts consumed him. Why after all these years did Teddy have to finally speak up? They'd shared weighted glances, soft exchanges, and hushed conversations, over their tours in Iraq. Everyone around them would tease them, like third graders, "Owen and Teddy sitting in a tree," kind of things. For years he ignored them, he was engaged for god's sake. They would always roll their eyes and scoff, "We're just friends," they'd respond the same way every time.

Who were they kidding; of course they weren't just friends. That's always the case, isn't it? Everyone always knows two people are desperately in love with each other, except the two of them. Owen always prided himself in being loyal, in doing the right thing. He always accredited his confused feelings to being so far away from Beth. He'd convinced himself once he got home, all those feelings towards Teddy would disappear. Yet they didn't. It wasn't until that fateful night when Owen had triaged the men whose limousine has crashed and met Cristina has his feelings vanished. He'd returned to Iraq, even more conflicted than normal. He not only had Beth and Teddy to deal with, but now the image of Cristina was engraved into his mind. Her beautiful face and sharp tongue kept him awake at night.

The incident seemed to clear his mind, and make him incapable of focusing on petty things like relationship drama. He quickly and quietly ended things with Beth, as well as said goodbye to Teddy. He felt pulled to return to Seattle, yet he couldn't pinpoint why. Desperate to return to work, he accepted the chief's job offer and began his employment at Seattle Grace hospital. His relationship with Cristina, as well as his struggle with PTSD that followed was a whirlwind.

He and Cristina had finally reached a good place; they could finally be together in the way she deserved. There were no more secrets, no more hesitancy, they were finally happy with each other. And now this thing with Teddy was just something else they'd been dealt. Cristina was a private person, she didn't like to share much and Owen loved her just the same. She didn't like to act like the victim, or play weak. But from the few things she told him, she had suffered an insurmountable amount of pain already. Her life hadn't been easy, and he didn't want to make her hurt any more than she had to. He would work his entire life to prevent her from feeling any pain. That's how he knew that for him, that Cristina was it. Sure he'd had feelings for Teddy, but in the end he was willing to hurt Teddy in order to keep Cristina from feeling any pain. Cristina was the most important thing in Owen's life, and not even the return of his old flame was going to change that.

The door to the room swung open, and Teddy walked in. Sighing, she took a seat on the bed across from Owen's, she stared intently at him. Sighing, he sat up and slowly turned to face her. "Teddy," he groaned, burying his face in his hands. "No Owen, it's my turn to talk," Teddy snapped, glaring at him. "You don't just get to pretend that we didn't love each other, you don't get to forget about me," she continued, her voice sharp as venom.

Owen shook his head, trying to form the words that would help her understand. Help her to comprehend that those feelings he had for her were no longer there, that those feelings disappeared when he's met Cristina, when he met the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. "Owen, this is our chance. We can finally be together, finally love each other like we wanted to for all those years. Don't you understand Owen, we are meant to be together," Teddy pleaded, her eyes filling with tears.

As Teddy's eyes filled with tears, Owen reached out gingerly to touch her hand. "Teddy I don't understand. You never said anything because I was engaged; you never mentioned your feelings because I was with Beth. What is different now?" He asked her, hoping that she'd realize the circumstances. Teddy laughed a short, sharp chuckle. "You really think you're going to be with Yang a year from now? She's an ice princess, a surgical junkie. She isn't capable of loving anything besides surgery and one day you'll realize that. I'm just helping you to understand before you get hurt, and so can be with me like you deserve," her eyes pleaded with me.

Owen was suddenly overcome with anger. Snatching his hand back, he drew in a breath slowly. After a few moments, he felt under control. Slowly he began to speak with Teddy, to force her to understand the reality of the situation before them. "I don't ever want you to hear you speak about Cristina that way, ever. I don't care if we are best friends, and I don't care if you are angry. Cristina has done nothing to deserve your accusations, and I refuse to try to have a relationship with you if you cannot prevent yourself from blaming Cristina for what is happening between us," he started.

"Secondly, I don't deserve anything. I do not deserve a damn thing. The universe doesn't owe me some kind of debt, some sort of gratitude. But Cristina, she deserves everything. I owe everything to Cristina, my entire life to her. So I don't deserve to be with you, I don't _deserve_ to be with anybody. I am _lucky_ to be with Cristina, so freaking lucky. I _get_ to be with her. And Cristina is capable of anything she puts her mind to. She is the single most intelligent and dedicated woman I have ever has the pleasure of knowing. Cristina doesn't have to work to be capable of loving me, she already does. She pulled me out of that dark hole the war caused in me, she saved me from myself. You and I, sure we weathered a war. We got through a lot of traumatic things with each other. But Cristina and I also weathered a war, an even more dangerous and difficult one. She stuck by me through everything, she stayed," he smiled, thinking of Cristina.

Teddy sucked in breaths, the tears spilling down her face. Biting on her lip, she refused to let herself go. "But we finally have this chance Owen," she choked out. Owen shook his head sadly, "I'm sorry Teddy but I don't want the chance. If our feelings were really that strong, we would've acted on them. I'm not proud of it, but I was still engaged the first night I met Cristina. Even Beth couldn't stop me from kissing her, nothing could. It didn't matter that we hardly knew each other, or that it was inappropriate, our feelings couldn't be repressed. No this chance that we could have, to be together, to see if our feelings were true isn't something I want or need. My future is with Cristina, and it always was going to be. Falling in love with her that night wasn't a choice, and there never will be one. I never had to choose between either of you because there was never a choice. Cristina isn't an option, because there isn't a question. I am truly sorry Teddy, and I want to be your friend. But Cristina is my entire world, and nothing will change that," he got up and slowly departed from the room.

He quickly ran to change and head home. After his conversation with Teddy, he felt lighter. He couldn't wait to talk with Cristina, to express to her how much he truly loved her. All this talk with Teddy had made him seriously contemplate the future. He knew beyond a doubt that his future was Cristina. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his Mother's wedding ring. It sparkled as the streetlight hit the diamonds, sending a cascade of light to bounce on the sidewalk. Tonight he would prove to Cristina that he was sure, that 'choosing' her was the easiest and most sure decision he'd ever made in his life.


End file.
